edward34

Living day to day
everyday is a struggle
i don't know god if i want to live
i just want some guidance

I am good yet
all the evil have the rewards
some have more than they deserve
is that fair?
I'm tired and broken

with my last words
i pray you make the world better
you know i can't survive
i'm sorry.

I'm tired right now but I know that i'm evolving again.Do you know what it feels like to be the friend who's always there for someone but is never considered important to him or her.that's what i am.The so called friend who everyone forgets about until something is needed because i'm OLD MR RELIABLE.MR DEPENDABLE.I'm tired of being those things for everyone.What has it gotten me.Years of loneliness.It's not fair.It's not fair.I give my heart and soul to them and they don't even want to acknowledge me.I bet if i was good looking,they put me on a pedestral.That's what they all are.I'm done with them all.their problems they can handle it themselves or call one of their other best friends.They don't need me.I don't need them.They can rot in hell.I cared and what do i get?NOTHING.AFTER WHAT I"VE GIVEN THEM,THEY NEVER EVEN TRIED TO BE THERE FOR ME.THEY NEVER DID.WHEN THEY WERE DEPRESSED,I COMFORTED THEM BUT DO THEY KNOW I WAS IN PAIN TOO?PROBABLY MORE SO.NO THEY DON'T.I PUT ASIDE MY OWN PAIN FOR THEM AND THEY CAN'T BE THERE FOR ME.NO ONE HAS.I'M NOT SELF PITYING.it's just all these frustrations.it's not fair that's all.am i such a bad person.am i?am i so ugly that i have to be kept hidden.is it a shame to be my friend because i'm not good looking.i'm tired of all this.i'm done with them.i'm done with them.

I can feel it.She's falling for wallace.They can both can rot in hell for all i care now.Wallace is hitting on her the same way I did.Only difference I really care for Katie and would do anything for her but since she's falling for Wallace,fine.Go be happy with him.Oh when he gets bored with you and dumps you,i'm not going to be there.
Right now I feel so rejected by everone.I'm always alone.I'll always love Katie more than he could ever love her.He doesn't even have any feelings for her.I love Katie and I always will.God why can't you give me another chance to prove myself.

Thanks a lot god.you really really are great aren't you?All I asked for was one fucking chance to prove myself and you can't fucking provide it.It's like I'm asking for the whole fucking world is it?Now she's gone from me.I was on my way to fucking recovering and piecing together my fucking life before you had to fucking screw me over again.

It's fucking typical of you isn't it?Everybody who becomes close to me always ends up fucking leaving me.Well fuck you,I'm gonna fucking kill those fucking people.Do you know what fucking loneliness is?Do you?I hate all of you fucking people.I would have fucking done anything to prove myself fucking god but noooooo I wasn't good enough.Fuck you.

You want to Fucking see me kill them all don't you?Fuck you god fuck you.I fucking hate you.Is it too much to ask of another chance?I was going to fucking fix my life before you fucking took her away.I was going to fucking get better you son of a bitch.Now you're gonna have to answer your fucking people who are wondering why their parents,relatives whoever is dead at my hands.You fucking did this to me.YOu fucking destroyed me.All i asked for was one more fucking chance.That's all you fucking prick.FUCK YOU.

Been so long since i've written anything.hah.people don't read my blog so who cares.I have a feeling somebody i care about is gonna leave me soon.Typical for me.I hope I'm wrong yet i can sense it would happen sooner or later.I have no idea what to write but hell,I really hoped i'm wrong but somehow god wants to screw me over again and again.Oh well.

Well I like the subject title after all.It's very sad to look at the state kids are in.No,they are really stupid kids who think they are fucking different and discriminate anybody who don't conform to their standards.Fucking hypocrites.I'm only 16 yet I feel as though I'm 30 or older.I never really related to teenhood or what crap you want to call it.I just can't wait till I'm officially an adult and not be hampered by restrictions.Of course,chances of me being alive to see it is slim.I have been alienated far too many times and they need to be scarred for life.If I had guns,I wouldn't be here writing this.It's no joke when I'm saying this and you readers fuck who am i kidding?nobody reads this but I like to pretend after all.I really will do it unlike stupid kids who only act as though they are capable of doing so but actually can't even fire a gun loaded with blanks.There simply is no longer any hope or salvation left.I have no use for religion.I lost religion long ago.
Well,I don't know if police will find this blog after I'm done with my work.Maybe they might to find out what caused me to do that.I doubt I live after what I will do.It's only a matter of time until I get a hold of firearms and then,everybody will remember their crimes against me.Everybody is under the illusion that they are safe and therefore discriminate against me freely.we'll see about that.Yeah,I might not be entirely psycho but a part of me is.Getting rid of the hopeless romantic in me is hard,yeah song quote but it describes it perfectly.I still have that part of it in me but sadly,that won't save me from killing everybody in my sight.Nobody will save me or anything.Everybody has abandoned me so there is no hope.This is not a rant for gosh sakes,I'm perfectly calm and rational as I write this.Well goodnight all,I really do like to pretend I have an audience.

This is rare.2 entries in a day.hahaha.Fuck this.Yeah,I will blow your head off and all but I hope you can forgive me BWAHAHAHA.I don't need your forgiveness for anything.I have done nothing wrong and you people deserve your fate.Sometimes,I can't even express myself even through writing.Yeah,I said before I am lonely but I also crave being loved.Nobody even show me they care about me so can you really blame me if I don't give a damn about others?I don't believe in one way traffic so sorry,I don't assist you if you have nothing to give me.
I have lost faith in emblems of hope.There is no hope for someone like me.I can never contribute in any form so my death will be welcome to everybody that's for sure but it is all your fault for this.I am not to be blamed for anything.You simply look at me and immediately make me a scapegoat.Believe me,I know so you deserve what's coming to you.Just to show you that I'm a pretty kind guy if you had treated me better,I want my organs donated to children who need it.No old farts are to be given my organs since they are of no use to society.
I used to be a symbol of optimism and such but people just won't accept me and ignore me.Ignorance does more damage to a person than outright hate.I am sick of being ignored and nobody would acknowledge my existence unless for their own personal gain.I am going to make sure you all remember me and you will still bear the scars 50 years after.I mean it and I don't care.I tried to seek help but frankly,society condemns someone like me so I'm going to shake them up but they better realize this is all their fault and don't try to fuckin place the blame on mediums such as tv or computer to enable more censorhip.I'll make sure this gets public so that no medium will be accused.It is all your fault and not tv or computers.

Well,what is there left?I've been stuck here for too long.I'm bored,I'm alone.For others,it's so easy to go out.Friends have already invited them.haha.good for them.Too bad the number of friends I have can never exceed single digit.Do they really need to remind me what a loser I am?How much of a loser would I be if I shoot them dead?haha.I'll be the ultimate winner.
why spare your life?I have no use for you or anything.Why should I bother about your immediate family members or friends?they're not mine so how exactly would I be profit from sparing your life?People ignore me when I'm troubled and only act after it's too late.I don't expect to live much longer anyway 2-3 years tops.I have to find someway to obtain guns and explosives.I'll find a way.Sorry if this is a short post and ah who the fuck am I kidding?I'm writing this only to myself since nobody would even bother looking at my blog.haha.Advertising?tried and nobody went.Let's face it,I'm a loner and I can back it up before you chime in trying to disprove of my conclusion.
Well,still a week to go and I don't know if It's going to help.I doubt it though unless they lock me up.Then,I can't be a menace to society and no massacre would take place.If I'm dying,people will follow me to the grave.Tentative plans have been made and once the weapons are obtained,there's no turning back.This is for the police,I have no regrets nor do I have any remorse over what I have done.Actually at the time of the writing,I haven't killed anyone yet but once I do,that's my answer for you since I probably will be shot dead by a police sniper..Goodbye.more post of course will be up.

Well here's another entry.A new school year has begun though I do not have to attend school.It's been twice as boring.A vacation is good and all but what fun is it when you have nothing to do?The last time I went out and had an outing was on 1 december more than a month ago.I'm lonely.I have nobody to talk to.I am totally isolated from the outside world.I don't see what's the point of staying in this world.I'm going to be given every bad break as long as I live so why not finish the job now?I'm very tired of fantasies and what such.People can say all they want about what a pervert I am but I swore I change for my loved one but god doesn't care.I am scum in his eyes.I want to die but not before taking some with me for their crimes against me which was uncalled for.
I am lonely,isolated,alienated with every flaw imaginable so why not end it now?I want to make it big.I'll make it so that everybody will be shocked at what happened.Even America where mass shootings are the norm.I have made draft plans for a rampage though It is still in its infancy stages but it'll get done sooner or later though I prefer sooner.Nobody wants to help me or care about what's really going on.There is no hope left for me.I am flawed in every way ranging from physical size to mental capabilities.Maybe I can be stopped.Maybe but judging at how things have gone for me,that outcome is not likely to occur and a trail of death will follow.If anybody of you read this after my death,I would like to say to people not to use my rampage as a political tool to advance policies or to use it to advocate stricter morals.That is simply bullshit and will only lead to more of my type of rampage.
People like me need to be helped and not be under stupid policies or religious morals.Someone who's in a rage will have lost his morals so it's not going to him any good.Only I can understand why I did this but if anybody uses my rampage for political advancement or anything of the sort,I'll make sure I get you.
I have no remorse for what I will do and I be lying if I said I regret it.They all deserve everything that they got at my hands.

If any of my countrymen see what I wrote on this blog,I can expect to be arrested.They don't know a goddamn thing.I live in a country where people only care about themselves and that's true.I prefer to migrate if possible but I doubt that will happen.If they arrest me,it only accelerates my plans to massacre people.Of course you don't understand people like me,I am not a sheep therefore I am a threat.I have a lot of shit and the last thing I need is people coming after me.I don't see what I did wrong here.My blog has a total number of 0 people and I don't promote it.Am i a threat?
I am so fucking lonely.Everybody has an agenda against me and i mean everyone.I can sense it despite what they try to show me.I know.It'll be a new year and frankly,I don't know how long I can resist to go on a massacre.I can improvise with weapons don't worry.Worse comes to worse,I'll kill one by one.I don't expect not to be caught.Everybody has something against me.I'll settle those issues once and for all soon.blah new year.Prices being jacked up again.What is there left?I am a fucking student with no job yet I have to pay for the government?If it was a government I support it'll be fine and dandy but why is an increase of 20 cents for a cup of coffee necessary?you explain it to me and don't tell me how the fuckin poor people need it.You have more than enough cash to help those people without jacking up those prices you son of a bitch.I guess you all can put yourself in for a big raise.We'll see how you'll enjoy it once my destruction is done.It'll be something you never experienced before.

Tomorrow is some stupid festival.Relatives will be visiting.I hate this.Doing some pathetic things but also because I can't stand people.I'm always alone during these gatherings,it's so fucking lonely but nobody can tell.I'm always looking calm but did they know how i hated these gatherings?I'm always looked down upon,I know.I want to cause a rampage,a big massacre.It'll be more shocking here since Singapore is supposedly safe because of the ban on weapons.I'll make sure I'll shatter that image just like Charles whitman did.I wished I had a shitload of rifles and go to some high point and mow down everyone there.I will do it though if I do it soon,they can't execute me though they'll probably change the rules to make sure I am hanged.
It's funny how when I write this,people will automatically imagine an angry youth venting his frustration out.As I said in my previous post,when I'm writing this,I am actually very calm and composed and it's no joke.I hate family gatherings.Just another opportunity to bitch about me and poke fun at me.Criticize me and all.Don't think I don't know.I don't think I'll write a lo today.I can't think of anything and I'm sleepy.
This pc better not give me anymore crap and rebooting when I'm asleep or the internet fucking up.Only accelerates the massacre.Anyway,my blog is so much fucking better than other idiotic blogs that focus more on style than substance.Oh shit,you're grounded?That's so fucking sad.At least I also take the time to write in proper english.I am much better than you all so you band together to hold me down.I'll make sure you regret it.I am calm and composed now but You'll see just how good I can really act.

Maybe a quick post before sleeping or maybe a long post.We'll see what happens as I type along.I write this in a journal but my handwriting is so horrible.Another flaw to a huge list.Again,i did nothing except stare at the computer,well I had to reformat the pc and all but wait,this is OMG becoming like a regular blog.
I don't know why I'm still here.I want to go on a shooting spree and all,heck u let me fire some rounds of a rifle to ease my anger but noooooo,the fucking goverment had to ban guns and even hunting knives and the like.Shit,guess I'll be hunted down for criticising the government.Haha.more reasons to kill.It's sad when the government is so fucking insecure they can't take criticism of their policies.Anyway,I digress.
Well,it'll soon be January and I know I definitely won't be working.They won't give me a chance.I'm oppressed by people who simply won't give me a chance to prove myself.Fuckin bastards.Yeah,I know i'm ugly,fat,pimply,nerdy and what not but you give other idiots a chance and I'm not an idiot but am always passed up.I wish that toy gun I have was real and I could blow your heads off.I don't give a shit about your family,friends and shit.You people have everything I should have.I kept quiet about it but once I kill you,the world will take notice.I'll make sure it even shocks America.I'll make sure of it.
I'm lonely here.I have no friends,no company.I'm always alone.I miss my friends or i should say people I consider as friends but they don't consider me as one.They all ignore me until they require something or moral support.What about when I needed something or simply company?Nobody was there to help.There simply no hope left.If I could make friends easily,I wouldn't be driven to these extremes but sad to say,I will carry it out.Not yet though,I still want to see if I can be stopped by that psychiatrist.Somehow,I can express myself more to females though I hardly have any outside female contact.I know that the psychiatrist will either be a dick or a bitch and will only accelerate the process of my rampage.This is not a simple case of stress or anything.I want to really kill.Frogs and tortoises are not as amusing as humans dying.
When the time comes,My letter of death will be written.This is not it though it resembles it.This is not some kid who got pissed off and wants to vent his anger.As i'm typing this,I am calm and relaxed.I really want to kill.Maybe I can be stopped but It's a maybe.

Pretty funny title eh?haha.I don't know why I still write as though people are actually going to read this.Perhaps they will when I'm dead.While I'm still alive,nobody notices though.It's funny how I make out my school life as exciting and fun.There were moments but most of the time though,It was more of loneliness.Often,When the class is engrossed with their stuff,I realise that they all enjoy themselves with their friends and then I realize how lonely I am.Left out,Alienated and all.Sounds cliche but I'm not kidding unlike others.I don't even have support of friends.It's lonely here but nobody can realize how really lonely I am.They'll only realize it when I'm dead and a trail of destruction is left.I hold on to hope but there simply is not any chance of anybody saving me.It's too late to do anything.No miracle is going to happen that will change my mind.
Playing all those games distracted me but also made me realize that that's never going to happen to me.Yeah I play hentai games but i'm actually more interested in the storyline.I wouldn't mind not having sex scences.the guy always ends up with his true love.Can you blame me for fantasizing about that?It's never going to happen in real life for me anyway.I'm not totally heartless but I'm getting there.I'm useless and all and it pains me to write this so I'm actually not a psychopath but am in the process.I want to take only my life to spare others but it's too late.People will follow me to the grave.Nothing can heal me.Nothing.
Well,one thing can but it's not going to happen so yeah,people will die.A suicide is forgotten quickly but not a mass rampage or murder.Whatever.Nobody reads my blog anyway so they won't realize until it's too late.I was given every flaw to make my life unbearable.You won't know it,You have at least one good quality others appreciate.I have none.
Sometimes,I don't know who or what I am.I tried but simply,I am of no use to the world.I'll try to take out bums when I kill but I make no gurantees.Everybody will be a target irregardless of who you are.I just hope you are not in my line of sight.Who is the you I am talking about?No particular person.It refers to the reader though I doubt anybody will read this until after my death.I blame everybody for what I've become but somehow I blame only myself.I am confused about this.The opposites of my personality I guess.
Ted Bundy hid behind a mask and I am the same as him though our methods of killing will be different.I'll still be here tomorrow though I don't know.I don't know.I hope I'll be here.I'm not prepared to carry out my plans yet.

Yeah i really want to kill.This is not some absurd title name or some shit.I really want to kill.I wished I could do a Charles Whitman.Go up to a high place and blast the shit out of people.I really hope that my com gets better if not then it could happen sooner.It has been the thing keeping me occupied and distracted from this.If it fails,then people will die.It always get all the fucking bad breaks.God does not exist or he has a personal vendetta against me.I think both scenarios are likely.Charles Whitman was a great killer,maybe doing a Howard Unruh is better.At least I can see their faces when they die.I don't know If i'm depressed or shit.If that fucking psychiatrist says nothing is wrong,I'll prove that he or she is wrong.They will suffer for their misdiagnosis.

Well,It's been a long time ain't it?Hahaha.Only I read this blog.No need to publicise.I have no friends who will visit my blog anyway.It's pathetic so font and all,who cares?I rarely blog anyway.Let's see,lately I'm less insane due to being glued to the computer and off to my fantasy worlds but tomorrow,I will have to confront reality as I have to return some overdue books.Just get it over with.I prefer to be locked up as frankly,what is there?I have no friends,no life,no activities or anything.People will say oh why don't you go out and do something?You know why?Because nobody is with me when I go out and It's so fucking lonely even in crowded places and having people look down on you.It's better to just stay hidden.I tried getting a job but as usual,I have been denied by others who look down on me.Man,I finally am reminded I have to kill though without guns,That will be a little difficult to achieve.
I tried to play games and all to whisk me off to a fantasy world but frankly,It's slowly making me upset with what's going on.I never ever get anything I deserve.I talked to god or whoever but he never listens does he?You want to make me believe?Then give me a break or 2.I told you i take that job offer If they called back but no........u didn't so fuck you.Ok,need to compose myself,I don't see myself currently as a killer or anything.Wait I am simply trying to escape from responsibility when I kill.I see.
It's very amusing at how some kids get upset over stupid little things.Oh no,my fucking parents grounded me.Boohoo.Shit,I can go out anytime i want and go home whenever I want but I have no friends.At least u have stinking friends who'll stick with you thru thick and thin.What the fuck do I have here?And I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?Nobody ever felt sorry for me.Yes,on the exterior,I am calm but inside,it's rage and I mean it.It's not some stupid thing most kids nowadays always say when they are hurt.I really will go on a murder rampage if I really lost it.I'm not fucking around about this.So if I die,I'll make sure I'm famous or infamous.Christmas?didn't notice a god damn thing about it.

At first glance,this might seem like any other blog entry.Well,in my humble opinion,it's not so go screw yourself.I lost my beloved swiss knife.If it was stolen by anybody,even a little kid,I will fuckin kill him or her.I don't care anymore.I loved that knife so much.I don't love any human because they simply do not return any feelings I have for them so I had stopped.I curried a little favour by donating because I am going to die soon.
It's very lonely here.You won't believe what it's like.Human contact is scarce.I loved that knife and those replacements are not going to do the job.Either I find the perfect replacement or people will die though I predict people will die before I find the perfect replacement.I hate staring at walls 24/7 but I hate being deprived of human contact even more.Those bastards are all against me.Won't make a difference if i go on a rampage except to cause them grief.Ah yes,It will be sweet.
I'm very lonely but nobody wants to keep me company except me and my belongings and my fantasies.I hate those ppl and will kill them all sooner or later.Must smuggle some guns here before a memorable rampage can be planned.It's amusing how some idiots find it lonely being left alone for all of 5 minutes.Oh my gosh,you are so lonely.Awww.At least ppl will notice you are lonely but nobody notices me.I am lonely 24/7 but nobody notices do they?It'll give me great joy and pleasure to blow your head off.
Maybe I can still be saved but too bad,the odds of that happening are slim to none since nobody even notices what I really went through.There is no hope left,just despair.I don't even know who I am anymore.Everybody will die for this.My beloved is lost and now I want revenge.I mean it and it's not some silly kid revenge,I'll make sure you'll be haunted by my revenge.I'll make sure.Perhaps I should sleep now.Perhaps.

Well,most people would say hi to all their readers,well i have a total of one reader and that is me so why should I bother?The new standard of ethics or what crap they are imposing on blogs shouldn't matter to me.Nobody even knows my blog exists anyway.As usual,It's lonely.Every second of my existence is lonely.Nobody talks to me at all and I am not making shit up.It's true.There's no reason left for my existence.Go out with a bang.It seems they'll only pay attention to you once you're dead so i have to die first but not before taking a few ppl with me.It's not like they were a useful member of society anyway.
I don't really know who I am lately.It feels confusing the direction life is taking me.I know that I'll die young.I wasn't born lucky at all.Everybody gets all the breaks except me.I feel rejected by everyone to the point where their existence are unimportant to me.I am unimportant to them so it really isn't much of a loss.I'm going to die soon for sure,when though is another matter.Not a lone entry as I expected but still at least it's better than writing crap about how boring your day is.

It's pretty lonely here.No,I am not some idiots who claim they are lonely but are actually not.Hey nobody talked to you for an hour,wow that's why you're lonely.I haven't spoke to any friend of mine for days.That's how lonely I am.I don't why but it simply is.My head is about to explode thinking.It's time to stop thinking and take action.Humanity needs to pay for its sins against me.Recently,I am ignored after that visit to that agency.You are discriminating against me,don't hide it you stupid sons of bitches.What am I supposed to do?No i am not some social butterfly who can summon friends at will.I be lucky they even say hello.The library only reminds me of my despair alone while ppl with their friends have fun together.Damn fuckin idiots.
I state that I am willing to do mostly any kind of job but noooooo,I am still discriminated against.I am fuckin frustrated with every break going others way.I'll fuckin make sure I show you all what are the consequences of your actions against me.I deserve everything but I have nothing.This would be easier if I had good friends to relate to but once holidays hit,I am abandoned.Fuckin idiots.I hate ppl here.Their fuckin minds are fuckin stupid especially elites.Fuckin imbeciles.You never had to suffer so what the fuck do you have any business in helping other you stupid pieces of shit.
How can i remain human when I am not treated like a human?I certainly won't have any sympathy for anybody and i mean anybody.You are all tools,easily manipulated,something I take advantage of.I hate idiots like you.Everyone is an idiot except me.I am a higher being.I'll find a way to get back at you,then you can go blame media but won't know the real cause and it is all your fault.You need to pay for your crimes you stupid fuckin pieces of shit.
I have no hope left,no will to live so I won't bother if I die in my quest to teach you a lesson but I certainly make sure it is big.At least 50 or more must die.They must die.A statement against humanity.I am not human anymore.I am simply living in a human body.Every feeling i had are buried and this is not some stupid emo saying.I really have lost feelings.Emo kids,you need to die and I'll enjoy it.I'll do the killing don't worry.I'm dying soon anyway.
It's amazing ppl still find me warm and say I am kind.MY acting is so fuckin good.Well,maybe I was kind and warm but well,that was the past and i was still so stupid.Not anymore,hahaha.Take advantage of everyone for my own being.I certainly pick my own life over a thousand others.I am simply so great.

Well I know I don't post frequently but wat the hell.It's not as if there are ppl waiting to read abt my life.Hell nobody knows about this blog.I don't want to get arrested.Yeah so I am dehumanized so what?Ppl are all tools and manipulating the common man is so simple really It's amusing.How your emotions can easily affect them.hahaha.
Well,why should I give a damn about others?What did they do for me?I've done quite a lot of charity work in the past and what did I get?This shit?Anyway heroes are all false.There are no such thing as heroes.Firemen are not heroes.They simply want to prevent fires from spreading and their precious homes from being burned down.Policemen are not heroes.Most policemen just do desk work and drive around patrolling and settling stupid disputes.Soldiers are just tools.
Humans are just tools to be used for my amusement.Imagine them being burned and crying out for help,it'll be music to my ears.Oh and to MTV,will you stop polluting tv?I mean first you pollute my ears now you keep showing stupid shows like my sweet 16 and laguna beach?what the fuck are you thinking you stupid tools.Those idiots on that 16 show,shut the hell up abt your stupid life.You have an extravagant bday party and the number of ppl who wished me happy birthday u can count on one fucking hand.If I ever see you,well I'll think of something.
Yeah,I will die young.I know I will.There's nothing here to satisfy me anymore.There's no hope left so why bother?well I do need money to ensure my current survival and I will try that job agency who'll probably reject me for being a minority or too young.Yeah I know that will happen and even if they entertain me,They won't call back.Just another reason y humans are tools.
I'm fat,ugly,useless so what hope is there?Hahaha.nobody is encouraging me not like some idiots who think that being grounded is the end of the world but they still have friends who will contact them regularly.What abt me?Nobody.nobdy.Heroes are just a figment of your imaginations.There are no such things.Take advantage of others because They will do so if you don't.Be cruel.kindness gets you no where.Right now,slowly my humanity is shedding away.Soon I'll be a monster.Not long now.

It's been a long time.You know,bored here.DAmn this is sounding like one of those stupid regular blogs.
Must thank Hana for inviting me to chat with Natalie.Really delightful conversation I must say.hahaha.No it is not a regular blog as I use proper english bitch.
You read about how those ppl want to commit suicide but they won't.They'll find a saviour somehow.ME?There will be no saviour who'll help me.I'm as good as dead.It's been very exhausting trying to be alive each day,It doesn't help when you are an outcast.
As mentioned before,I have no hope,no future,no will to live.Suicide is something that I consider seriously so that others won't come along with me.I am writing this with all of the humanity I still possess.If I don't do it sooner,more ppl will be dead and more will be affected.Believe me,part of me is resisting it but the resistance has crumbled and now I am evil.
There is no salvation,nobody can change this,nobody can save me.It was naive to believe that in the first place.
How can I love myself when I don't even possess one good quality?no physical qualities,no inner qualities.I am just an eyesore to the world and believe me,I really consider suicide.It's to protect the other people.This might be one of my last human post.Maybe not the last,I can still resist for a bit but I'm sorry.
I tell you,all i wanted was someone who i can really count on and love but nobody fits that description.They don't want to get near me or be with me.I don't see me being all happy about life anytime soon.It's really for your own good I commit suicide and not a spree killing.My last post as a real human.